Everyone knows that combining alcohol with gaming can sometimes provide a level of awesomeness that cannot be reached from the sober plane. However, you cannot simply combine any alcohol with any game, or else we just have anarchy and frustration. For example, hard alcohol and stealth games just leads to frequent deaths and psychotic screaming. Listed below are several suggestions for the proper drink for certain games.
God of War Saga: Vodka of the Gods, available at Trader Joe’s
We all know that Kratos drinks the ichor of the gods he slays, but let’s face it we all can’t be Kratos (if you don’t know what ichor then you should read Homer). But for us puny mortals, we can drink Vodka of the Gods. The mere name of this drink elevates one to an Olympian-like status, while the hard alcohol will let you enjoy the epic QTEs and boss slayings. It will also help you ignore the frustration of the frequent button mashing.
Hitman Games: Wine (Classical Music also goes with this)
Nobody is classier when it comes to death than Agent 47. From his tailored suit to the use of Schubert’s Ave Maria as the theme, Agent 47 exudes a refined elegance unseen in any other video game. Drinking wine while playing the Hitman games allows you to match 47’s class and using classical music as background increases your patience in order to be a silent assassin.
Max Payne: Whatever makes you sad, although preferably any hard alcohol
Max Payne is one of the saddest characters in all of gaming. Starting with the death his family and ending with the constant self loathing and hatred in Max Payne 3. Max never lets you forget his grief and his futile quest for redemption, therefore you shouldn’t either. Therefore you should drink like Max and feel sad. This lets you identify with the character, and gives you something to do during the excessively long and unskippable cutscenes in Max Payne 3.
Dark Souls: Straight Gin
Dark Souls is the most frustratingly difficult game of all time. Anyone attempting to play that game has already ceded his or her right to fun. Dark Souls is only played by some serious masochist. Thus, you should drink something that makes you hate yourself. Straight gin is not enjoyable, it is hard and it hurts. Just like Dark Souls. If you wanna go the extra hateful mile, do a shot every time you die. You’ll be completely gone in like 30 minutes.
Any sports game: Your favorite beer
It’s the only thing you should drink while watching sports, therefore it is the only thing you should drink while living vicariously through a video game team or player. Drinking beer while playing sports games makes you feel like you’re in the stands, especially for baseball. I guess for hockey you could drink canadian beer or whiskey, but let’s be honest…we’re not in Canada nobody’s playing any NHL game.
Dishonored: Whiskey and Cigars
This is just because EVERY SINGLE GUARD in the game wants to go have whiskey and cigars. Apparently in Dunwall, this is your only form of leisure. Having whiskey and cigars while playing allows you to mini toast every time a guard says it, and the alcohol makes you do the more violent playthrough, which is much more fun than the stealth playthrough.
Call of Duty: Freedom and Bald Eagles
Just kidding, that’s not a drink, thought it would be awesome. You probably shouldn’t drink anything during the campaign because it’s fairly cinematic and fun on its own. For multiplayer, you should definitely drink either 4Loco or red bull and Vodka. This lets you get hammered quickly. It won’t enhance you’re playing ability, but it will allow you to excessively swear, yell, and slander your friend’s (or that 10 year old who keeps killing you ) sexual orientation. This also applies to Halo multiplayer.
Dead Space games, Slender, Amnesia, or any other horror game: Whatever gets you drunk fastest (and you should be in a group)
Horror games get much more fun in a hammered group. The group element allows everyone to get scared together and laugh at each other’s lady-like screaming and crying. The alcohol makes you more frantic and freaked out which is the point of a horror game. You can also come up with elaborately fun swearing and crying and threats at the person or persons trying to kill you.
Batman Arkham Games: Champagne or expensive scotch
Let’s remember that behind that Batsuit lies a billionaire and billionaires have expensive tastes. Drinking some bubbly while playing makes you feel like Bruce Wayne, and if you feel like Bruce Wayne, you feel like Batman. That’s an awesome feeling.
That’s all I have for now, feel free to comment and give your own combinations or just mock mine incessantly.